Revisit: Goals Versus Systems

Re-callabrating my brain to think about systems instead of goals has changed my life.

Read this:

http://www.entrepreneur.com/article/230333

Six months ago, a friend of mine sent this link out on Facebook.  I remember I was in Big Bear for my boyfriend's New Year's gig and I read the article.  I didn't think much about it at the time.  It made sense.  I thought the article made excellent points about how goals set you up for failure and disappointment because if you don't hit that particular goal in the way you want to hit it, then the work you've done seems like a failure if it doesn't hit that expectation.  I thought it would be an excellent thing to do, rethinking this idea of setting goals.  It seemed totally antithetical to what I've been conditioned to believe.

I have been an intense goal setter my entire life.
Five year plans.
New Years Resolutions.
Lists.
Intentions.

And I started this year off differently.  I still made my list of goals.  But then I also tried to figure out how that would happen.

So if my goal was to write a script in January, my system would be to write every day.
If my goal was to lose ten pounds, my system would be to run three times a week and go to the gym.

But without those two goals I am still left with:
Writing every day.
Running three times a week and the gym.

I liked the idea that focusing on the systems, on the process of how to make something happen, would open the door to other things.  But the idea of setting up a system seemed so not threatening that I started doing it.

I decided I would write a few times a week with friends.  I set up some time with my friend Larry and some time with my friend Andrea.  Larry got busy with other projects, so I stepped up the days with Andrea.  If there were days I felt that I needed more time, I stayed later.  If there were weeks I felt like I needed more days, I came by myself or upped the days with friends.  We went to the West Hollywood Library because it was convenient for everyone and it had great validated parking.  We would end up catching up on what we were writing and catching up with each other.

Then in February I had a deadline.  Write a play in a month.  That's a definite goal.  But instead of focusing on the play I had to write, I went to the library every day.  Either Weho or Burbank.  Sometimes I went to the Korean Spa.  I decided I needed to find comfortable places to write.  The Korean Spa worked out so well one day, that I stayed for 14 hours and I wrote a ton.

The play was written: 118 pages.  I read it in my writers group.  I knew that I would have a public reading in May.

But now it was March and I liked having that deadline so much that I decided to set up a deadline with Andrea.  We were going to do a pilot writing challenge.  I had no specific deadline, so I decided to create one.  I thought I pilot would be the next good thing to do.  I had some ideas for a comedy script, but I also knew that I would want to have something that would reflect the samples I was sending out.  And my plays were dramatic for the most part.  Kept going to the library.  I had an idea I thought I would write later in the year.  I decided to write it now.  I wrote the story bible in a week.  Then the pilot in a week.  If I had focused on the goal of writing the pilot solely, it would have freaked me out and I never would have gotten it done.  But I actually exceeded my goal of writing a pilot in a month.  I wrote a story bible and a pilot in two weeks.

As I've mentioned before, April became about freelancing and making money.  Although I had no specific goals set for April--my May play deadline was looming and some TV fellowships as well--I kept writing every day.  It was an idea here.  A thought there.  I kept blogging throughout this whole process.

Then an opportunity came up.  Sundance wanted to read pilot scripts to do a TV writers lab.  The deadline was May 15.  I was teaching.  I was freelancing.  I knew that the real writing wouldn't happen until May.  But I did already have a pilot and a story bible, both of which were required.  Okay…preparation.

Then my play reading got scheduled for May 18.  Okay, two deadlines in May.  But I already had a full draft of the script that would needed some rewriting and some cutting.

Then I realized the deadlines for these fellowships were at the end of May.  Now three deadlines.

As April was coming to a close, I knew I had to get my shit together and write three scripts in the month of May.  I didn't panic.  I'm not sure if it was confidence or if it was me spending quiet time every morning and evening just thinking about my day.  I don't know if it was maturity, but I did not freak out.  I accepted that this is the way these scripts were getting written.  I accepted that I had not been procrastinating.  I was grateful for the two scripts I had written by April and the speech in which they were written.  I felt successful.

I had three goals for May:

• Rewrite a pilot and story treatment
• Rewrite a play
• Write a spec

I knew that in order to get everything done I had to get away.  I started to look for places to go off and write.  I ended up going to Monterey for a week.  I just wrote every day.  I decided that I would treat myself well and reward myself often for:

• Waking up
• Going on a cleansing run
• Sitting down to write
• Writing
• Having an idea
• Dedicating myself
• Having an epiphany
• Finishing the First Act
• Coming up with great character stories

And the list goes on…

I didn't just wait until I was done to praise myself or reward myself.  I praised and rewarded myself along the way.  Sometimes four or five times a day (at least).  If I just set a goal, I wouldn't reward myself or feel good until the goal was met.  If I just set a goal, I would be feeling inadequate when I wasn't "writing."  I realized that everything is writing.  The idea is writing.  The making time is writing.  The eating lunch is writing.  Going shopping to clear my head, talking to Mom to clear my head, talking to the boyfriend to clear my head…all of it is writing.  And all of it made me feel like I was accomplishing something…every single minute of every single day.  

Naps are writing!  

That made my week.  So when I came back I had Act One of the play.  And I had most if not all of the pilot rewritten.  I felt accomplished.

I had also reconnected with a great friend.  Felt inspired.  I rewarded myself by driving two hours to SF to do a boot camp.  I felt like I was being productive and that I was feeding my brain and my soul by doing things to take care of myself.  

I came back.  Finished the pilot and the story document.  I finished the play in those three days after the other deadline.  I got both goals done. 

By that time I had 12 days to write the spec and turn it in to make two important deadlines.  That didn't happen.  I made the decision to miss those deadlines and to hit the last deadline on June 13.

I wrote every day.

I committed myself fully to my process.

I kept working.

But at a certain point, I knew that I had not broken the script.  I was fully capable of finishing, but it wouldn't be very good.  And it wasn't even important that it was the most brilliant House of Cards spec that anyone had ever written.  What was important was that I met my personal challenge: to write something political and dark without a lot of humor in it.  I wanted to write in an operatic style and a bit over the top, which House of Cards is.  I had a personal goal to meet that I knew would make me a better writer.  But I knew I wasn't there yet.  So I gave up the two deadlines.

I realize now that if I just based my success on writing three scripts in a month or making all of the deadlines, I would be a failure.  And I had those conversations with myself.  I'm not Pollyanna.  I'm not Mother Theresa.  I have doubts.  Real, immobilizing doubts.

Or I did.

I thought about those things and I reflected on three truths:

• Two scripts in eighteen days.
• I would still finish the spec and would be better for it.
• I was writing every day and focused on writing and dedicated to writing.

So I continued forward.

In the meantime, a friend had gifted me his office space for three weeks.  So I had even more support to get all of this done.  And I used all of that time.  Anytime I thought about quitting or stopping, I realized that I had a bigger purpose: to honor the Universe's generosity and faith in me by presenting me with opportunities to write and supporting those opportunities by rewarding my hard work.  

So I had this office all to myself for three weeks.  I was going to show up every day.  That was a system.  Just show the hell up.  And some of those days were brilliant and so productive.  Some of those days were tough and I napped on the floor for two hours.  That happened on two or three occasions.  But I was in the office.  I wasn't at home in my bed watching TV.  

So I kept going.  And I finished.

I wrote two scripts in eighteen days.

I wrote a spec in a month.

I wrote three scripts in six weeks.

And I got an office out of it.  This office became available and now I'm sharing it with my friend.  

I've actually accomplished more by not setting goals, but being focused on the process than I would have if I just set very finite, specific, no room for anything else goals.

I want a lot of things.

I want money.

I want steady, paid employment as a writer.

I want new representation.

I want a development deal.

I want a home.

I want to travel more.

And the way to get all of those goals is just showing up at my office at 10 AM (or earlier) and not leaving until 6 PM.

And if some days I have a meeting.  Or a play I'm attending.  Or I'm meeting up with my boyfriend…that's fine.  

It's all writing.  The plie is just as important as the jump, as my dance professor in college used to say.  The deeper you bend--the more prepared you are--the higher the jump.  And that bend needs to employ many muscles.  And those muscles need to be strong and articulate.  And how to they become stronger and more flexible and more agile and more precise?

You have to practice every day.

Then--and only then--can you travel leaps and bounds.

And it just started by reading that article and doing something that I seemed capable of doing.

I am grateful for reading the article.

I am grateful for my friend Caitlin who sent me that article.

I am grateful for a gradual change in attitude.

I am grateful for this computer.

I am grateful for this desk.

I am grateful for the quiet in the office now at the end of the day.

I am grateful it's the end of the day.

I am grateful I get to go see a new play tonight with my boyfriend.

I am grateful to feel renewed.

I am grateful that I just read three books this week.

I am grateful for Joss Whedon and his article on how to be prolific.

I am grateful for limeade from Trader Joe's.

I am grateful for walks down Hyperion.

I am grateful for breaks.

I am grateful for plies.  They are journeys.