Why Is It So Hard to Finish?

It never gets easy.
I can be in an office.
I can go for a walk.
I can do research.
I can watch inspiring You Tube videos.
Or the Hollywood Reporter Roundtables
of Tony Actors,
Emmy Comedy Actresses,
Emmy Comedy Showrunners,
Emmy Comedy Actors,
Emmy Dramatic Actors,
Tony Actresses,
Emmy Dramatic Actresses.
I can go to the Wi Spa and try to open my brain up.
I can have a good cry on the phone with the boyfriend.
But still…

I have to get the work done.
The work has to get done.
I try not to pressure myself.
But the work has to get done.
This has to get done.
Two out of three ain't good enough.

Remember…
This is not about the end product.
This is about pushing through,
it's about productivity,
it's about stretching yourself,
it's about not thinking you're going to finish then finishing.
It's about accomplishment.
It's about hard work.

I can think all of those things,
but it's still difficult.

I got this far.
I have a finished script.
I just have to add more pages.
And then I have to proofread and edit tomorrow.
Nothing is getting in my way other than myself.
I have no excuses why I shouldn't get this done.

Yet…
Here I am.
Trying not to freak out but freaking out.
Writing something hoping it will jog my productivity button.
I'm hoping it will inspire me.
I'm hoping the act of hitting the keys will just parlay into me hitting the keys with story.

I'm trying not to think of how many pages I should write.

Eight.  Or Eleven.

That freaks me out.

But no matter how many times I've done this,
how often I've been down this road,
how experienced
and accomplished I am,
it is still as hard,
if not more so.

It will always be like this, won't it?

I am grateful for the ability to laugh at myself.
I am grateful for the ability to see everything as writing.
I am grateful for the idea I had to write this script in the first place.
I am grateful that the idea became an outline.
I am grateful that the outline begat notecards.
I am grateful that the notecards triggered more ideas.
I am grateful that one of those ideas was for a great political story.
I am grateful that the political story continues to be in the media and relevant.
I am grateful that the relevance is the Universe pushing me to finish.
I am grateful that the Universe seems to be on my side.
I am grateful that I am still hopeful.
I am grateful that I have air in my lungs.
I am grateful that my hope sustains me.
I am grateful in advance for finishing.