I finished the script!
I finished the script!
I finished the script!
I finished the script!
I finished the script!
Well…
In reality, I got to the end of the script!
I got to the end of the script!
Doesn't have the same ring to it, does it?
I got to the end of the script.
There's still work to do.
But I took everything in my outline,
minus two scenes,
and got to the end.
I got to the last scene in my outline.
So that's exciting!
Right?
Sure it is!
I have some research to do tomorrow.
And I need to tighten up the script.
All of the screw tightening has to happen tomorrow.
So that on Friday,
I can proofread one more time,
print it out,
put it on a disk,
and send it on its way!
So tomorrow is still a lot of work,
but I don't have to write pages from scratch!
I just need to add things to it.
There's one story line that needs more work.
So right now I'm at 47 full pages
and I should be between 55-58.
That's another 8-11 pages.
Can I do that?
Will that make sense?
Will it work?
I don't know!
But it's a great challenge.
And I'm up to it.
I have said all along that my work on this script does not have to do with
getting into the
ABC/Disney Writers Workshop
NHMC Writers Group for ABC
NHMC Writers Group for NBC
(BTW, I missed those two earlier deadlines because the script wasn't ready)
My work on this script has to do with learning to write differently.
I have a lot of comedy in my scripts.
And I love that.
But I don't have anything that shows a darker side.
And I wanted to write a House of Cards spec in order to work on that muscle.
And it's easier to work on a muscle that you haven't worked on before when you have a spot.
My spot is House of Cards.
It's a show that is on the air,
with characters I know,
and a tone I know and don't need to invent.
I have been inventing characters and worlds and stories
over the past two years with the
five pilots I have written.
The last spec I wrote was for Glee
when I applied to these programs the last time
when my Dad was near the end.
I have to remember that writing--
hold on, I just said I wrote five pilots in two years--
WTF!
Writing those five pilots taught me a lot.
They taught me discipline and story and character
and fast writing
and a lot of rewriting.
In those two years, I also wrote the fuck out of two plays
and I fully rewrote another play.
So EIGHT scripts in two years.
Are you kidding me?
Who does that?
Who does that when his father is dying?
Who only takes six weeks off of writing after his father dies?
Probably really only four weeks.
But it got me through. What I was reminded during that time is that writing gets me through.
I reconnected with the reason I write.
And guess what?
It's a higher purpose than money.
It's a higher purpose than status.
It's a higher purpose than fame.
It's a higher purpose than importance.
It's so much more than the things I used to be concerned with
like ambition, power, influence, importance.
And it took me some time to figure out a big secret:
I don't have to give any of that up
just because those things are not at the top of my priority list.
With hard work,
prolific writing,
joy,
excitement,
wonder,
productivity,
and encouragement
come all of those things.
And if none of those things happen
Guess what?
I'm still happy.
I'm still a hard worker who's prolific and joyous and excited and productive and full of wonder and wonderful and encouraged.
I don't lose any of that.
But when I was just pursuing the other stuff
and when I wasn't getting the other stuff
I wasn't happy.
I wasn't any of those other things.
Maybe I was,
but because I was pursuing the external gratification
and validation,
I couldn't enjoy the byproducts of my effort.
But once those efforts became my main product--
and I will always have those efforts and fruits of my labor--
the validation is just a byproduct.
And because it's a byproduct and not the main product,
it's not essential.
But wait! There's more!
Because with this new insight
comes knowledge,
compassion,
patience,
love,
respect…
And not just for others, but for
MYSELF!
That's so much more than power, fame and the rest of it.
Going through what I've been through since the almost two years
since my Dad died
reminded me of why I'm a writer.
Writing calms me down.
It helps me see things.
It helps me see others and their perspective.
It makes me less ego driven and selfish.
And all of this is essential to the person I want to be.
Not just the producer or
power player or
important guy.
But the human being.
I move through the world differently now more than ever.
A lot of that I put into my teaching.
And a lot of that teaching put into me.
I took the time to grieve.
I took the time to work through my grief.
And look what that time has brought.
Eight scripts in two years.
Remarkable.
And growth.
Remarkable.
And happiness and satisfaction
and the ability to see that the other stuff doesn't matter.
I have grown up and grown out.
Maybe that's why I'm seeing that certain friendships
have outlasted their current state of being.
Not that those friends are out of my life.
But I no longer am connecting on the level
of negativity and putting myself down to lift myself up.
It has taken me a long time to get here.
And yet, I've only just begun
(to live).
I'm ready to use what I've learned.
I'm ready to take this evolved person
out into the world,
take the words into the world,
take this knowledge and growth into the world
and see what it does.
I am grateful for this whole blog post, whose wisdom kept falling out and I kept trying to catch it.
I am grateful for the time to cook and reflect.
I am grateful for the meal I just prepared while I was writing this blog post.
I am grateful for two years and eleven months with a wonderful man who has a lot to do with these lessons I've learned.
I am grateful for the fertile soil that is my relationship.
I am grateful for family.
I am grateful for my niece and nephews.
I am grateful for the time I have been able to spent.
I am grateful for the time I am about to have with my boyfriend now that my schedule eases up.
I am grateful to just start again from the idea stage.
I am so excited to do that and grateful for the opportunity.
I am grateful for friendships that nourish.
I am grateful for wisdom and courage.
I am grateful for smiles.
I am grateful for laughter.
I am grateful for walks.
I am grateful for my loteria bag which keeps getting noticed.
I am grateful for the boys in my life who inspire me.
No comments:
Post a Comment