Progress…a little at a time

It's almost 1 PM on Wednesday.
I am facing down 14 scenes.
That is intimidating and scary, even though I know what the scenes are supposed to be.
I have to commit myself to those scenes.
How do I do that?

I wrote 11 pages since yesterday.
That is a huge achievement.
I am very proud of that achievement.

I have some to go.  Probably a bit more than 14 pages, even though there are 14 scenes.
But I have more to go…

And then it's on to the next project,
because there's more that I'm excited about.
It's not hard to get excited and easy to get lost in the anticipation
of the next thing.

And it's easy to get upset
when it's time to get things done.
It's easy to get down on myself
and wonder why I'm not working
harder,
faster,
longer,
better.

I was talking to my friend David yesterday about the language of managers (and reps in general).
The catchphrases that they use.  They need to be retired:

Hit it out of the park!
It just needs to be home run.

I'm sure there are others and those two happen to be baseball metaphors,
but this idea that it has to be amazing every time.
I wonder if they're investing in a writer or in a script.
I think I know the answer to that.
They would rather you be a disembodied automaton, a machine of writing,
that just spits out perfect ideas and scripts that are sellable and exactly what that particular
representative wants or would write if he or she were actually a writer.
Probably more he than she.
I don't know if women say that.

I wouldn't mind if they lowered their expectations.
Not that they should be negative or sour.
Maybe tempered them
and just read what they get with an open mind.
I'm also not a big fan of you telling me what I should write,
unless we have a long and extensive conversation
(that I'm steering) about what might be missing from my portfolio
or what I can write that I haven't been given the chance to yet.
I don't mind a conversation about reinvention.
But that reinvention needs to be about me
and not about being some other writer.
It should be about a different shade or side of myself
and not a completely different writer.
And it should never be dictated by some external need.

This is what I think my job is as a writer:

• To write a lot.
• To be productive.
• To be prolific.
• To get better every time - with an accelerated output, that progress is easier to see.

The underlying thought beneath those four points is that I should shut any potential critics the hell up because I'm writing so much.  I need to be impressive.  And I can do that through an unbelievably high creative output.  It shouldn't just be shit.  The goal should never to be "amazing" or to "hit it out of the park", but the chances for it being both of those things (which are totally by luck) increases because the more I do something the better I become and if I work fast then I will get to something really good faster.  It may be four scripts from now, but if I'm writing those four scripts in a year, then you're not waiting that long.  

It only takes one.

That adage is true, but it may take four or five to get to that one.  And it's better to only wait a few months or a year versus waiting two years or four or five years.

I think my theory still stands:

You should be fast and great.

You can be fast and mediocre.

And you obviously can't be slow and mediocre.

But you can't even be slow and great

It's just a theory and you can take that with a grain of salt.

But I wrote three scripts this year so far.  This last one I am finishing.

I wrote and rewrote two scripts in five months.

And I'm getting this latest one out now.

So what will I do in Q3 2014?

I will spend the rest of this quarter refining both scripts.

But especially the TV pilot.

I will come up with five new pilot ideas.

Sketches.

Brief.

And I will sit on them.

I will let them marinate.

I will let my subconscious do the work.

And when I'm asked for them,

I will flesh them out.

And I will present the ideas I feel are the strongest.

Then I have two plays I want to work on.

I already have a play I will submit to the developmental workshops

in the Fall.

Maybe one of these other ideas will get to a place where I can 

start submitting them or working on them on my own.

I certainly have one idea that feels relevant and political.

That might be a good one to lead with.

And I love the idea.

There is a structure built in it.

And it does lend itself to a unit set.

I could also use the theatre in general a lot.

It lends itself to that.

It lends itself to site specific as well.

And now that I think about it,

it's got a horror movie quality about it.

Okay.

I need to stop myself right there

because I'm not done with this script

and it's tempting to do the fun part:

the beginning.  The idea.  The concept.

I'll maybe take a break and write some of this down because I'm feeling inspired.

But there are ideas swimming around in my head.

Another play where the research is going to be 

so much fun to do.

And it's a comedy, 

which I haven't written in such a straight forward way in a long time.

It might be time to something straight up funny.

I have been getting dark and the other idea is dark.

But maybe it'll be good to stay in that space before I jump out.

In the meantime, I am working on this project.

And I am making progress.

I am grateful for ideas that excite me.

I am grateful to stretch my muscles.

I am grateful to reset my goals.

I am grateful that I am having fun.

I am grateful that I am acting in a free space.

I am grateful that I am living the life I want to be living.

I am grateful that life is on my terms.

I am grateful that a comedic play is coming out of me soon.

I am grateful that this dark, political play is coming out of me soon.

I am grateful that I am finding a place for myself creatively.

I am grateful that I know that it only has to exist in me and that it can go from the inside out.

I am grateful that I am working in my own shade, in a vehicle of my own design.

I am grateful that things are making sense today.