Push It Real Good (or Lean Into It)

Another Thursday.
Another morning at the West Hollywood Library.
Actually, I haven't been here in a while.  Probably a couple of months.
Funny how time flies.
I have been working and writing out of town.
And now I'm sitting here with a serious deadline coming up in a week.

I'm doing a great job listening to my iTunes library.
I'm succeeding at that.
I actually had a good day yesterday at the Korean Spa
getting work done.
I had some good ideas for the spec.
I think I have a rough idea of what this spec will be.
But I don't have an outline yet.
And that's why I went there yesterday.
I should have an outline.
I have 7 1/2 days to write this script and turn it in.

I have to remember why I am doing this.
I am not doing it to get a staff job on a TV show,
although I do want that.
I am not doing it to prove that I should be writing for TV.
I am not doing it to be validated by the powers that be.

I am doing it to push myself to write three scripts
in a month.
I am doing it to exercise my stamina.
I am doing it to get it done.
I am doing to get another opportunity to write.
I am doing it to exercise a part of my brain I haven't exercised in a while.

If I do all of these things, then I will perfect the skills to write on a TV show or
develop my own.
If I do all of these things, I will show I should be writing for TV.
I will be doing the job.
And if I succeed, then I will be validated, but I that will just happen because
that's the way things go.

I am doing it to push past my fear.
I am doing it to be less precious about what I write.
I am doing it because the action of writing becomes easier to do
and less special (meaning rare) if it's a routine.
I am doing it to continue my routine.
This is my way of life.
It's not something I do to get into a program
or to win a contest.
But the contest can give me an excuse to continue my routine
and to put action behind the intention:

I am a writer.

So while I'm pushing it, like the Salt N Pepa song,
I need to remember to just lean into it.
Just relax into it.
Give up the anxiety and just get it done.

The more I write,
the less surprising it becomes when I get shit done.

I am grateful for blogging, it keeps me writing.
I am grateful for music, it keeps me writing.
I am grateful for rhythm, it keeps me writing.
I am grateful for reflection, it keeps me writing.
I am grateful for exercise, it keeps me writing.
I am grateful for reading, it keeps me writing.
I am grateful for sleep, it keeps me writing.
I am grateful for good friends, they keep me writing.
I am grateful for walks, it keeps me writing.
I am grateful for my boyfriend, he keeps me writing.