The Miracle of an Idea

I place a lot of value in page count.
5
10
23
32
45
54
76
118

I like to give myself markers along the way.

I finished Act One in two days.  Halleloo!

But the truth is, the success happened much earlier and has been happening all along.  The moment I got the idea for this play I'm working on.  I might have been on the 5 Freeway going from Orange County back to Burbank.  I'm not even sure where I was coming from.  But I had an idea about the Seven Deadly Sins and certain institutions we worship as a culture.  Then I might have had a thought about the conversation I had with my friend Dave, who is a priest.

I should have pulled over to the side of the road and gotten myself some chocolate right then and there. Or a cheesecake.  Or an In N' Out burger.  I love rewarding myself with food.

Today I rewarded myself for having ideas and committing to the work by buying two pairs of shorts and two pairs of pants at H&M for $27.95 total.  Apparently, men don't shop at the store in Monterey and things get marketed the fuck down.  $7 pants?  $5 shorts?  I can't believe it.  But I appreciate it and I love it.  And I felt rewarded.

In that way, I'm fulfilling the promise of my tarot card reading back in December when it told me I needed to give love to my creations.  And in doing so, I'm giving love to myself.  The child analogy is so appropriate here too.  If you give your child love, you are in essence giving love back to yourself.  It's healing because you're giving the love you never thought you got.  And you are giving love to yourself in the present because that child is your creation.  And even if that child isn't biologically yours, that child has been molded and cared for by your love.  And you are creating a relationship and a bond with that child, which has a healing effect.

It's hard to remember to give ourselves love for what we deem as such simple things.  Especially, when they don't feel quantifiable.  But love isn't quantifiable.  We are better for having been loved in our lives period.  Because then we know what it is like and we can replicate it.  Sure, having more love is better than having less love.  But having love is better period is better than having none at all.  In that way, having ideas is a miracle.  How wonderful it is to have been loved and to have an idea that you give your love to because you appreciate it and you want it to know how much you appreciate its very existence.

This is completely the opposite of the way I used to think.  I used to think that I had to suffer and get on my cross and put on a crown of thorns before I got rewarded.  It's like that old phrase, "You'll get your reward in the kingdom of heaven."  Screw that!  I want it now.  I want to know how much I am appreciated and how important I am now.  I want to know that I am significant and that I have made a difference.  I want to know that I am loved.  So does the work.  The work is better having been loved.  No one's better by having love withheld. And nothing or NO THING is better by having love withheld.

So I celebrate my ideas and I give them love.  I have also fed and clothed them well this week and lately.  I honor their miracle and I appreciate their miracle.  I also encourage more of them to show up and more of their miracle to show up by appreciating them in the way I have been.  By giving myself love and giving them love.

Everything I have done especially in the past five months has been about giving myself love and appreciating the miracle I am and the miracle of my presence on this planet and the miracle of my ideas.

Every bite I take…
Every time I go to the spa…
Every time I put on a new article of clothing…
Every time I pull my credit card out or take out my wallet and lay a bill on the table…
I am honoring the miracle of my ideas.
I am giving love to my self and my creations.
I am telling the Universe that I appreciate its efforts and I want more of it.
I am feeding that love
so that it will be like that cat who keeps coming back for more.
I hope these miracles will come visit me like that cat
and find a home here.
I let them know that I want them to be here.
I want ideas to show up.
I want ideas to grow.
I want ideas to make me smile.

I am grateful for so many words on this subject.
I am grateful for the miracle and the multitude of my ideas.
I am grateful to be able to share my miracle with people.
I am grateful that I am going up to SF tomorrow to share my love with friends.
I am grateful that we will be sweating together.
I am grateful that we will be laughing together.
I am grateful that we will be crying together.
I am grateful that we will be in pain together and that we will push through it together.
I am grateful to see my SF friends post-Looking.
I am grateful that my generosity and my giving of love to myself has brought me to this beautiful place and this beautiful moment in my life.
I am grateful that I can love myself through feeling discouraged at times.
I am grateful that all of this has meaning for me.
I am grateful that I can find meaning.
I am grateful that all of my scripts are miracles and are special and are worthy of being bought, sold and taken out for a spin.
I am grateful that success is all around me and I can see it.
I am grateful that I no longer hide how smart and funny I am.
I am grateful that I have figured that out.
I am grateful for the recent reunions I have had with friends lately and the ones to come.