But it was my reality this week. And it was a great reality. It was a reality based on the generosity of a special friend. We really were able to give something to each other, Molly and I. We both needed the company of a generous spirit. So even including the treats here and there, the real repayment was that: my presence, inspiration and generosity of spirit. Hers was the same. It was a fair and equal exchange.
I feel the same way about Bill, my friend whose boot camp I attended. I went up there for a few reasons:
- to be challenged and to test and measure my physical and mental stamina
- to reconnect with a group of guys I really like
- to connect to Bill's wonderful spirit and wisdom
Molly and Bill are two friends who are not in the arts. They are two people who love me and have directly and indirectly supported my work by inviting me up to stay with them during the week. I guess I learned something this week. I learned that I had friends who want to help me out. The first thing I thought about when wanting to do a writers retreat was that I would love to stay in Sonoma at Bill's pool house or go up to Molly's. I didn't feel like I could ask them directly. It felt like I would be taking advantage of our friendship in some way. But Molly reached out when I said I needed a place to retreat. And when I saw Bill, he mentioned that his property would be available to me if it was empty. I was kind of blown away by that. I have great friends who find value in our friendship. I don't know why that's so surprising to me. I know I'm a good friend. I just didn't realize how much it paid to be good to someone.
I have some friends who are creative types who are not as generous. Maybe it's because they don't want to take opportunities away from themselves. But it really disturbs me and it makes me want to distance myself from them. I have certain friends who are only generous when a need serves them. And I have done some great things for friends as favors to help them out and have not always gotten paid back in kind.
My best friend in the world who is highly creative is one of the most generous people I know, with her time and with her advice. Sometimes with a lunch or dinner as well. But she's also one of the most secure in her skin about who she is. True, she's neurotic like all of us and modest. But the core of her being is confidence in who she is, so she doesn't have to take anything away from anyone else and she's not threatened by anyone else's success. I guess that's the barometer for me.
This has been a beautiful week. I have been surrounded by friendship and love. I have been given the opportunity to do this again in some form. I now know how to recreate this, either with less or more resources. I now have this safe space for myself in which to create and to blossom. I would love to come back here to Monterey. I would love to go to Sonoma and write. I would love to do a yoga retreat with Bill at some point in the future. I would love to get away. And I would love to have the feeling of getting away while I'm writing even if I'm doing it in town.
The idyllic setting can be anywhere, as long as it's the setting of my choosing and as long as its a setting that makes me feel good.
I am grateful for the love of friendship.
I am grateful for invitations to spend time in beautiful settings and be creative.
I am grateful for discussions of home furnishings.
I am grateful to be expressive of who I am.
I am grateful that the path I am meant to take is becoming clearer to me.
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