I Feel Creative

It's tough to be an artist because you're never satisfied.

I love this Martha Graham quote:

"There is a vitality, a life force, a quickening that is translated through you into action, and there is only one of you in all time. This expression is unique, and if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium; and be lost. The world will not have it.

It is not your business to determine how good it is, not how it compares with other expression. It is your business to keep it yours clearly and directly, to keep the channel open. You have to keep open and aware directly to the urges that motivate you. Keep the channel open.

No artist is pleased. There is no satisfaction whatever at any time. There is only a queer, divine dissatisfaction, a blessed unrest that keeps us marching and makes us more alive than the others."

It's completely true.  No artist is pleased.  Ever.  Yet we live in a world where satisfaction seems to be the goal.
Settling.
Complacency.
That seems to be where people are headed.
Once I get HERE then I will have made it.  I will be satisfied.
But that's just not a reality for the artist.
We create out of the ether, so even when we're successful
we don't even know it because we spend all of our time trying to
create something out of nothing.
And it's that obsessive striving that keeps us going,
so we don't even realize when it's time to stop.
Unless we're comparing ourselves to someone
And that happens too often.
So we do stop.
And then we rest.
And then we feel like shit about ourselves.
It stops us in our tracks.
But I love what Martha Graham says.
We have a unique expression and it's not our business to determine how good it is.
Or how it compares.  It's NONE OF OUR BUSINESS.
Our business is keeping the flow going.
Not stopping the traffic of creativity.
And she tells us to get rid of the idea of satisfaction.
Just toss it out of your brain and do the work.
Because either you will feel like you will always fail, so it doesn't matter.
Or you will feel that once you let go of the fear of failure,
you will always succeed
because you didn't stop.
Get on with it.
And that's what this week so far has been for me.
Just get on with it.
Today was fast and loose.
Today was slow and sluggish.
Today was fun.
Today sucked.
It's going to be one story every day.
And then the next day it's going to be another story.
Peaks and valleys.
Ride the coaster.
Fuggit about it!
Who cares?!!
Just keep the flow.

I am grateful for Martha Graham.
I am grateful for her insight.
I am grateful for sleep.
I am grateful to see my friends tomorrow.
I am grateful for my strength and stamina which keep me going.
I am grateful for the pain I will experience when I push my body and my mind to my limit because I am reminding myself of what exactly I am capable of, which I will need in completing a task that seems overwhelming.  
I am grateful for the reminder.
I am grateful for the difficulty of this task.
I am grateful for the opportunity to prove that I have more to give than I even know.
I am grateful that this is the time that I am living in now.
I am grateful to be peaking at exactly the right time.